I was working with a billing manager the other day who runs a great team and in terms of leadership, seemed to be doing everything right.

Present & available.
Leading by example.
Backing his team.

But he was frustrated as he didn’t feel he was getting the best from his team. He knew they capable of more and he said this to me:

“I don’t get it – I feel like I’m giving them what they need, but I don’t know if it’s just not landing or maybe I’m doing something wrong.”

And he really wasn’t doing anything wrong.

He was giving. In my opinion a bloody good leader. The issue that it wasn’t being received by each consultant in the way it was intended.

That gap between intention and receipt is the bit no one really talks about.

When we unpacked it, it was pretty clear what was going on.

He was leading his team the way he would want to be led.

More autonomy.
Less interference.
Bit of space to figure things out.

That 100% works – if the person in front of you values those things.

Some don’t.

Some look at that exact same behaviour and think:

“Where the fck is my manager? – He just leaves me to figure it out all day…” They feel unseen. Ignored.

Workplace “love languages”..

So you’ve probably head of the whole love language thing. If you haven’t you’re about to get a crude rundown. And yeah, I hear you, the name’s a bit cringe.

But honestly, for recruitment leadership – the basic concept holds up.

It originally came from Dr. Gary Chapman – the Five Love Languages – built around how people feel valued in relationships.

Over time, it’s been pulled into the workplace, and when you look at it through a recruitment lens, it actually explains a lot and makes a hell of a lot of sense.

The five love languages are:

• Words of Affirmation → being told you’re doing well
• Quality Time → having someone’s full attention
• Acts of Service → someone stepping in and helping
• Receiving Gifts → bonuses, incentives, tangible rewards
• Physical Touch → in work terms, more about energy, presence, a handshake, a “I’ve got you” moment

And yes, take this with a grain of salt as obviously this is a simplified version of what matters to people as it’s not as simple as one of your team members only responding to one “area”language” – they may identify with more than one.

But the whole point of this is to try to get you to THINK about what your team members will respond to so that you can be a better leader for them.

So, disclaimer out of the way – for recruiters specifically, this might look like:

Words of Affirmation → “tell me I’m doing well”

This recruiter feeds off recognition. Not generic praise – specific to things they have done.

What works:

• “That client call you just handled – that was fcking sharp.”
• Calling out how they won a placement, not just that they did
• Public recognition (if they’re that way inclined) or private if they’re not.

What doesn’t:

• “Good job mate” (too vague)
• Saying nothing and assuming they “know”

These are the recruiters who can be billing well and still feel flat if no one’s actually acknowledging it properly.

Quality Time → “give me your attention”

This one isn’t chasing praise. They want access to you.

What works:

• Proper 1:1s where you’re not half on your phone
• Jumping on a desk session and working through something together
• Being available when they’re stuck on a placement

What doesn’t:

• “Let me know if you need anything”
• Rushed check-ins where you’re clearly distracted

These recruiters don’t need more noise, emails or “you’ve got this mate” they need your focus.

Acts of Service → “help me when it counts”

This is your “in the trenches” operator.

They feel supported when you do something, not just say something.

What works:

• Stepping in to help close a tough deal
• Taking something off their plate when they’re under the pump
• Helping them reset when things go sideways

What doesn’t:

• More pressure when they’re already stretched
• Sitting back thinking “they’ll figure it out”

You earn a lot of trust with these recruiters by leading by example & showing up when it matters.

Receiving Gifts → “show me the reward”

Let’s call a spade a spade alright. These recruiters are commercially driven and it works for them.

What works:

• Clear commission structures
• Spot bonuses
• Incentives tied to performance

What doesn’t:

• Empty recognition with no financial upside
• “This will be good for your development” (they know that logically but don’t care in that moment)

If they’re winning, they want to feel it in a tangible way. They want to know it’s linked to a tangible reward.

Physical Touch (Energy & Presence) → “I want to feel backed”

Obviously not in the literal physical touch sense in the workplace. We respect our colleagues physical boundaries.

This is about energy.

What works:

• A high five after a win
• Sitting with them when a deal falls over and resetting together
• Tone, presence, body language – showing you’re in it with them

What doesn’t:

• Cold, transactional interactions
• Only showing up when there’s a problem

These recruiters pick up on how you show up more than what you say.

Every recruiter will lean towards one or two of these. The obvious gap is that many leaders don’t know HOW their team members like to be motivated. Once you see this gap, you can’t unsee it and it will be your level up as a leader.

The elephant in the room…

Most leaders fall into one of two traps.

They treat everyone the same.

Or…

They lead people the way they like to be led.

Neither works particularly well.

Because your team isn’t wired like you. And they’re definitely not all wired the same as each other.

And I can almost hear you screaming this at your screen at me – “but I run a big team, how am I meant to create individual incentives that are equitable for all of them?”

Fair question.

Yes you need to have incentives and programs that are equitable across the board, but that doesn’t mean your individual interactions with each person need to be the same.

Your commission structure can stay consistent.
Your targets can stay consistent.
Your frameworks can stay consistent.

But how you show up for each person?

That’s where the difference is made.

Because this isn’t about giving one person more than another.

It’s about making sure each person actually feels the support you’re already trying to give.

One person might need five minutes of your time.
Another needs you to call out their win properly.
Another needs you to step in when they’re under the pump.

None of that breaks fairness. It just requires a bit more awareness from you as a leader.

And yeah sure, to begin with, that might feel like a lot of extra work for you. But over time it will become more natural and reap its own rewards.

So what do you actually do with this?

You don’t need to turn this into a big ass framework – when I first became aware of this concept, there were two things that I did that I think could help you too.

#1: Start paying more attention.

• Who responds well when you notice them publicly?
• Who hates it?
• Who asks for help?
• Who clearly needs help but won’t say a word?
• Who is driven by money?
• Who is driven by progress?
• Who just wants five minutes of your time and never quite gets it?

You’ll start to see patterns pretty quickly.

For example – I have a staff member who values rewards – and not just any rewards, specifically super practical ones like fuel, Coles / Woolies vouchers. He loves things that make the simplest parts of his life easier.

I have another that values time. He loves a big holiday with his family and if I incentivise extra time, he always annihilates his targets.

One of my other employees values quality time – she loves brainstorming and having my full attention when it comes to strategising and company direction. This gives her energy and gets the best from her.

#2: Don’t just guess. Ask them.

And caveat – don’t expect them to have a perfect answer straight away either – some will know, but many people have never actually thought deeply about what makes them feel valued and seen at work.

You might need to prompt it a bit:

“What actually helps you when you’re under the pump?”
“What makes you feel like you’re doing well here?”
“What do you need more of from me?”

Those conversations alone will give you more insight than any framework ever will.

And once you’ve got that, you stop guessing. You start leading people the way they want to be led. You are going to start seeing better results from your teams.

And when you adjust, things shift fast

You give proper recognition to the one who values it.

You give your time to the one who needs direction.

You step in and help the one who’s desires the assistance.

You reward the one who’s motivated by rewards.

Same effort from you. Way better return.

The gap is probably not all that big!

Most leadership issues in recruitment aren’t massive (and if they are, that’s a whole different kettle of fish).

They’re small misalignments that happen every day.

You think you’re showing up for your team and they’re just not feeling it the way you think they are.

Close that gap and a lot of the frustration – on both sides – starts to disappear.

When people feel truly understood and supported, their confidence grows. Their willingness to put in grows and ultimately, their performance grows.

And as a Manager – a happy, performing team that sticks around is the ultimate goal right?